I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
bring money and cleavage
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
