Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
