She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
