you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
