I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
