first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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