jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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