I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
