just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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