I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am one with the molecules
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
