They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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