I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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