The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
