Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
nutella sex= disaster
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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