Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
