i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
