The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
