I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
