my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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