is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
