umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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