I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
