ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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