drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
