Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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