I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
