What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The Olympian is in my bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I did not marry a roomba.
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