I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
