we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
how do you play pong handcuffed?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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