It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
