I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
