she was so not down for the gang bang
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
