id be glad to
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
