i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
