I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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