I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
