No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
