and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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