I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
