i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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