Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
