We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
