I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
