Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
