Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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