YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
