HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
