Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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