At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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