did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
