yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
