If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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