For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
