He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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