She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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