You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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