Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is Oprah even human
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
