apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
